venting

so today started out like all my other work days..... talking to self righteous bigots!

I've never considered myself to be racist in any way but I'm beginning to wonder what happened to me because lately I'm finding that I am racist to a point. I'm not like the "normal" racist as I do have many friends that are of other races and nationalities, I'm just finding that I really despise people that think they know it all and honestly have no common sense! and most of them are in Texas and are black.

I know this post could upset some of you and I'm sorry if it does but these are my opinions and you don't have to read further...

now that the disclaimer is done.. on with the venting.

I had one customer today that was just plan stupid! she has and account with us and it was an email only account well she wanted to reopen the dial in account.(yes people still buy dial up service) so while going thru the process she asked "am I going to be charged double since I have a email only account with you?" It's a valid question and I answered it with "no ma'am the email will be in with the dial in account"
so then she starts to argue with me about being double charged. at this point I'm thinking "oh great I've got another nut job customer!". so after 3 attempts to explain this to her she says "let's just get on with this because everyone in the morning has a bad attitude and I'm not in the mood for it." i'm thinking.."then, why in the hell did you call in the morning?"NO COMMON SENSE AT ALL!!!!

I was actually having a great morning until she called! I just have not patience anymore with these people! it's not just the African-American people it's all of the stupid, no common sense, back woods, mother lovin', idiots!

I don't want to feel this way I just can't turn it off!

7/24/10 - Missing a dear friend

I'm missing a dear friend Debbie LaRue. she passed away yesterday 7/23/10 at 5:50pm. She leaves behind a 10 month old son and a wonderful husband.
She was a great friend and will be missed dearly. I'm praying for her friends and family. we all are going to need all the support we can get at this time.
I sometimes wonder if more could have been done or if she could have fought more to live but I know she was in sever pain and discomfort. she only knew she had the cancer since around feb. 2010. it was in stage 4 already and the doctors didnt have much hope. it was very aggressive.

she will always be in my heart.

I love you debbie!!

6.20.10

Hello all.....

so another day is upon us and it's father's day, I hope everyone has a safe and fun day with their families.

I have been down again, I fell at work on Tuesday, dislocated my knee and sprained my ankle again. I have been through this before and it still hurts like hell.
I'm planning on going out to the in-laws today to enjoy this holiday with them, but again it's going to be a somber one as I'm missing my dad. The holidays I think are the worse for me, I use to call my parents at least once a week, sometimes less due to work and life in general. I know I didn't talk to them as much as I would have liked to or as much as some of you do, but I miss them non the less.
Losing a parent, sibling, or extended family member is always so tough to deal with. I just hope that on this holiday you take time to remember and honor those that you have lost or just lost contact with.

xoxoxo
~Mel

Mother's Day Hell.... 5-8-10

Hello all..... well I'm officially in a foul mood with mother's day right around the corner... I'm missing my mom a LOT!!! I've had a really hard time with this holiday since 1999 and it just gets harder every year. maybe one of these years I can have some good luck around this holiday....

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday!

4/20/10 - Trying to make it the best day possible....

So everyday I start off the day thinking about my kids, my best friend who's also my husband, and how I can make this day the best it can be. I seldom reach that goal but I do try. So many of our family, neighbors and friends have a hard time seeing the beauty in each day due to the stress and problems in their lives. I often also wonder how I can personally help each and everyone of them, I soon realized it was not possible, but I still try.

I have one friend that has recently gotten some really bad news medically and I'm not sure how to help. I know I need to be there as a friend for her but I don't know what to say to her, she doesn't want to talk about the problems she is having, she wants a distraction from it and I totally understand that. I have tried multiple times to reach her and get her out of the house to try to help her over this hurdle but she doesn't answer the phone and she just blows me off. I'm at the end of the rope here, I'll be there if she needs me but maybe she just needs time to figure things out on her own even though that's not what she is saying.

I look at my life and I see that I have a wonderful but not perfect life. I have many medical problems, I have arguments with my husband and I didn't raise my children like I wish I had been able to do. I am in such a better place than I use to be in. I was married to a man that wasn't a man at all, he drank, cheated, and didn't work much. I went through a horrible time losing my children, but then I met the most wonderful person in the world, my glorious husband David! He helped show me that even though I am having a rough time there is life after it all and I can change who I am and be who I want to be. I "dumped" all the people I was friends with, moved in with David, and started over with no family and no friends to help me but him. After about 1 year after meeting him I began to understand that I am a strong woman and I can handle what ever is thrown at me. I may not like it, may not handle it as well as someone else but I will handle it none the less. Anyone that can live through what I have been through can live through anything. If I can do it so can you.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though we all have problems, stress, and illness in our lives we still have to try to make the day the best it can be, to stop trying is not an option!

4/14/10

So yesterday was David and my 8th anniversary. it went really well I think. after work Dave took me to dinner and we had a lot of well wishes from family and friends.
I'm back at work today and I'm training again, so no sales yet today. it's not so bad at least I don't have to deal with customer's today except for a couple of hours. I'm actually lovein' it.
Dave's working late today so I'll be on my own tonight until 2am. I really hate Wednesdays.
I've been having a lot of pain lately...... Like yesterday my left hip was killing me! =( I took med's for it and it didn't help. I'm not sure if it's just a flare up or if it's something else. that's what sucks with this disorder, you never really know unless you go to the Dr. and then the Dr. is looking at you like your a crazy person! well.... LOL =0) anyway, I just dealt with it and it eased off about 4am this morning, it's still sore but manageable.

well, back to work for me........... have a good day, make it great!

~Mel~

3-29-10 another day, another dollar........

Another day, another dollar but I'm almost done. I'm tired of this pain and suffering with the Fibromyalgia, I had to leave work early again today due to feeling like crap. My energy level is just through the floor. All I want to do is sleep but I know I can't. I'm looking for any salvation I can find.
I'm looking into yoga as a means to manage the pain and stiffness. The Dr told me that there's not anything else he can do, I just need to learn to live with it and manage the pain. He increased one of my medications to see if that will help but so far it hasn't.

Even through dealing with Dave's company downsizing his position and my health issues now I have to worry about losing my job due to the health issues. it's more stress on me that I don't need! I'm just fed up with the bull shit! I wish there was something I can do to correct this issue so I wouldn't have to take time off work. I've offered to work extra time to make up the hours and they are always needing help on the weekends but they don't want people to have OT. I wish they would make up their minds: either they want help or not.
I've changed my hours to what times I can work since we only have one car now, but I've offered to work weekends when I can.
I've got a team leader that has WAY to much stress on her right now with her dad having Alzheimer's and trying to keep everyone happy. then we find out that one of our mutual friends has stage 4 liver cancer and she has a 5 month old baby boy!.....
I've got another friend that is having heart issues and not sure whats going on with that, and yet another friend that just found out her husband (with whom she is seperated from) has a 8 month old baby by another woman. There is just too much to take care of. Every one has told me several times that I cant take care of everyone all the time but it's my nature to do that! I want to help everyone I just don't know how....
I guess I just need to take care of myself first and the other stuff if I can and let the rest to take care of it's self.

3-26-10

Today I wondered what it would be like to have a close family bond. Don't get me wrong I do care for my family and would bend over backwards for them but we aren't a close family like some I see.

we use to be a close family but when granny and my aunt passed away it seems like that whole structure passed away with them. Some of us moved away, some of us turned to drugs or illegal activities and spent time in jail and some of us stuck around but just didn't care anymore.

I tried to stay in touch with everyone but that seemed to piss other people off because in my family, if there isn't a argument between someone they aren't happy. As I got older I started to not care if it pissed them off but then that just put me in the middle. what if we all just got along and had the family functions like other families would we have been happier? would I be better at getting along with my co workers? would I be better at dealing with stress? I'm not sure but I do know I would not have learned the lesson's I have thus far if it wasn't for my family.

we all can't have the perfect family. we all can't be that "perfect" person. we just need to live the life we were dealt and do the best with it we can. I can say that I have learned a lot from my family and I'm honored to have had the parents I had. They weren't perfect parents. They did the best they could do at that time, and that's all anyone can ask of anyone.

3/21/10

So just a quick note...
finished up the wilderness first aid class today and we all did really good. It was a good class with a lot of good information that will help on searches and when we are not in the field as well. I highly recommend this class for anyone that likes being outdoors.

Now to relax the rest of the day, Monday comes too soon.

3/20/10

So if you haven't noticed, I'm now dating my post.
Dave and I got up early on a Saturday to go to a class for search and rescue. it went okay I guess, it's not anything I don't already know basically. I have learned a few things though. One more day then I'm certified in wilderness first aid.

I've been thinking a lot about conversations. I know this is not something people normally think about but hear me out........
I'm finding it more and more difficult to find things to talk about with people. I'm not sure why, maybe I'm becoming a hermit or the people around me don't challenge me enough to make me think. what do you think? I know that it's sometimes nice to just sit by someone and enjoy the quietness, but when it's all the time there has to be something wrong right? Is it just me?

I'm not looking for something wrong to fix, I'm just looking for more stimuli I guess...

Oh My God! David just farted and now I can't breathe THANKS HUBBY!! =0(

anyway, I'm just so damn bored with everything that I'm not interested in any of the fun stuff I use to do. The Dr. said that the medication can affect me like that a while back and I guess with all the shit going on I'm just down.

any suggestions on how to get out of the "funk"?

March 18, 2010

So I haven't written in a long time so there is a lot of things that have changed.
I'm now living in Mt Vernon, Ohio, which I believe I was living here when I last posted. I'm still dealing with the fibro and have come to the conclusion that this is something I am just gonna have to live with. Dave and I were making it, be it barely, and now as of yesterday he has lost his job. He will continue to work until June 1, 2010 and by then we will probably be moving, yep that's right we have lost the house we were trying to buy. I know this is the best move for us financially.

My mother and father both passed away in the last 2 years, mom was just last october. I'm still having some issues with dealing with it, but I'm making it work. I think I am doing okay but I can see area's in my life that it's affecting.
I do not like any of the people at work, they just annoy me! They like to think that they are all that and a basket of peas but they are not.
Oh sure some of them are ok, but I have never been one to set by and be politically correct, I speak my mind and to hell with anyone that doenst like it!

The Dr. increased some of my meds so hopefully that will help some with the pain and hopefully that will help my attitude as well. I get really tired of always being in a bad mood, I'd love to laugh and live like everyone else but it seems like there is someone on the inside keeping that just out of reach. they give it to me in little doses like medicine, just enough to keep me sain. - the kicker is I'm not sure it's keeping me sain anymore.......

Pain.

Pain.

Such a simple word but so very hard to deal with, understand, and treat. I know everyone has some kind of pain in their life. When you deal with it on a daily basis all you can do with it is deal.

I live with fibromyalgia. It is my constant companion, my friend and foe, the one thing I can say will always be there. For those of you that do not know what it is let me explain it a little. It is wide spread pain that cause's your muscles to contract and hurt 24/7. There is no cure, only pain management. They do not know what causes it either.

I have heard of several non-medical treatments such as hypnosis and acupuncture but I'm not sure if I really believe those 2 treatments work. would you want to see a shrink for your pain and let them tell you it's all in your head like so many other MD's have done in the past? or would you like to have someone poke you with needles over and over again causing you more pain when your already in pain? I for one would not. People have said "the needles are so small you don't really feel them" well I would because some times just the slightest touch hurts me, and I mean... A LOT!

So what is there to do? Since I was diagnosed 3 years ago this Feb. I have been on more medication than I would like to be on and the only thing that seems to help is the narcotics which I do not want to be on the rest of my life, because after a while even those don't work and the Dr. has to up the dose over and over again. So I pose the question again..... What is there to do?

So many people in my life have said "everyone lives with pain, honestly how bad can it be?"..... "your just a hypochondriac"..... "your just depressed"...."lose some weight and you'll feel better"....."just deal with it everyone else does, aren't you strong enough to?". Well now, If all of the above statements are true then I'm just a mental case then aren't I? I think not!

This is a REAL disease and the definition of a disease is this: a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
I have been told like all the others before me that is not a disease it is a disorder. Well the definition of a disorder is this:

1 : to disturb the order of 2 : to disturb the regular or normal functions of

now when you look up fibromyaglia in the medical dictonary it says this: any of a group of rheumatic disorders affecting soft tissues and characterized by pain, tenderness, and stiffness of muscles and associated connective tissue structures

How can something that disturbs the regular or normal function of a person that can't be cured just be a disorder? I honestly believe that it is a disease because EVERYONE I know with this "disorder" is getting worse the older they get, their quality of life is not what it should be and once they go on pain medication they never come off of it.

I do not want to be this way and I do not want to live the rest of my life in pain. I would gladly take part in ANY trail study that is out there to "cure" is "disorder" but there isn't any in my area or any that I can get to with out losing everything I have worked so hard for.

I say to all of you.... If there is anyone in your life that is in constant pain or dealing with any kind of struggle.. PLEASE do not try to "soften" the situation by saying any of the above phrase's. Just be there for the person in anyway that you can and if you find that you can't be there for the person then stand up, be an adult and just talk to them about it all instead of treating them badly, it only makes things worse when you think you have someone that truly cares for you and understands some of what your going through one minute and the next you don't. So if you don't understand,... ask. If you still don't understand or if your interested in understanding then do research on the subject. DO NOT just "drop off the face of the earth" to that person, we all are still human and have feelings too.

XOXO
MEL.

I'm Done!!

I'm done!
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with having friends.
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with co-workers.
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with the "so-called" christians that say they are god fearing people that live by the bible and still treat others like shit!!

Well I say to all of you,..... GO TO HELL!!!
I have never in my life met so many people that were such lying, backstabbing, biggots!

So I'm done with the lot of you!
that is my rant for today.
enjoy!

Snippets of My Life....#2

I remember that in the summer's we were allowed to run free, so to speak, and since we lived in the country we had acre's of land to roam and play on. We had a friend named Anthony that we affectionately called "ant". He was a little older than I was and I just loved him like another brother. He would teach us how to work on cars; also, along with my brothers he taught me how to fish. I use to love walking through the pasture either after school, on weekends, and in the summer looking for frogs, worms, or crickets to fish with then going down to the pond to sit and fish the rest of the day.

A Rare Day....

Today is a rare day... there may be many of these in the future... for today I'm posting a second blog.

I was thinking about what I'd like to do with my life in the next few years while looking at some of my favorite blogs and I came across one that peeked my interest. It was by One Minute Writer, she wrote:

Friday, November 14, 2008

Today's Writing Prompt: Three Goals
Write about three realistic goals you'd like to achieve in your lifetime.Thanks to Frankie & Bella for today's prompt! They are identical twins who blog together--check it out at Twin Speak: Two Minds - One Blog.

I checked out the Twin's blog and I liked the idea. So... here's my 3.

1.) I would like to travel, I want my husband to be able to go to vegas and I would like to see London.

2.) I want to go back to school to further my knowledge.

3.) I want to own a farm.

So.... there it ie folks! I wonderful 3 things to do.

Whats yours?

XOXO,

Mel

Contemplating...

Have you every wondered why people are the way they are? Is it the way they are raised? or is it the way the choose to be? I personally believe the later.
Now, don't get me wrong I think also that the way people are raised has some bearing on the personallity of the person, but the person could be given all the luxuries they could wish for and still turn out to be the most cruel person on the planet or they could have been treated worse than you could ever imagine and turn out to be one of the most respectful, patient, loving people like Dave Pelzer (author of "the boy called IT"). I have personally read this book and his other books several times and I continuously wonder how someone so heroic could have any realtions to someone so hateful.

I hope someday to be able to understand how people can treat another living being like they are the not valuable. I personally know several people the think of themselves as christians and still continue to act inappropriately towards family, friends, co-workers, and people in general. I hope that one day they will understand what that kind of injustice can do.

I wanted to share my views on this today because I see this on a daily basis. So I leave you with this thought:
Ultimately, it's up to each of us to choose how we will live our lives, hold ourselves to high standards, and continually evaluate what's inside the image we see in the mirror.
-- Eric Harvey

I hope you take this message with you today and apply it to whom ever you meet today, that person may have an affect on your life someday.

XOXO,
Mel

Snippets of My Life....

I live in Ohio now but I was born in Georgia. I still think of my self as a "georgia peach" - southern born and southern raised. I have lived in Ohio for 11 years now and I'm still adjusting. I hope I never get adjusted to be honest with you. I miss the south and I plan to return someday.

I miss the "good 'ole days". I miss fishing in the pond on the back part of the property with my brothers. I miss the laid back days of summer. I miss how everyone you meet treats you like one of the family. I hope I never forget those things and many, many more.

Some memory's from my child hood I'll never forget are so simple that someone else would possibly push them aside and think everyone has those type memories. But those are the most important. Those type memories are the one's you should cherish and preserve for your children and grandchildren.
One such memory happened on Halloween, the exact year I can't remember, I had asked my mom if I could spend the night with my best friend and go trick or treating with her, her sister, and her mom. M loved Halloween and still does! She always had the best costumes. We lived in the country and to get to the "good" house's we had to drive to them. Oh, we could have walked, back in those days it wasn't so bad that a child couldn't be out after dark, but the "good" house's were too far to walk to. M's mom drove us to the housing development and we would ride on the hood of the car from house to house. This was a special treat for us and we felt like we were on top of the world for just one night.
M's mom was so much fun, she was like just one of the girls, but she could be strick when it was needed too. I love her for that.
At one of the house's we had all gotten our candy and was headed back to the hood of the car but we weren't quite on it yet and she started to move the car! It was just a few inches but it was so funny! Even after we got on the car, we were laughing so hard that we all almost fell off again!
Aww, the little things that make memories! I'll never forget that night!

MY TIP OF THE DAY.......
Don't push the little things aside. You never know if it's going to be a lasting memory not, so cherish every moment you have like it is your last.

XOXO,

Mel

Just another day.....

It's just another day in the wonderful life of me!
I'm back to work after spending a week taking care of my mom. She has had a really bad time lately. The dumb ass doctor in Rome, Ga by the name of Dr. Molnar (vascular surg.) has been the Dr. putting in her ports of the dialysis and she has had nothing but trouble with them! This last time was ENOUGH! Her arm got infected and he had to put her in the hospital for 5 days to have IV antibotics, he sliced her arm open and sent her home that way so I went down to pack it 2X a day. The RN was not scheduled to come and pack it for her everyday. This would have never happened if the dumb ass Dr. would not have left the BLOCKED port in her arm, I guess he thought it would fix itself!
He also left the stiches in from the 2nd port in the same arm and they were beginning to get infected! I changed her doctors from Rome, GA to doctors in Fort Payne, AL which is closer to her now.

So I'm back in my own little world..... back home with the hubby and pups. It is good to be home but I just wish I could call it home like down south. Maybe someday I will be able to.

My First Blog on Here

Hello,

My name is Melissa and this is my first blog on this site. Some people would say that I am very "strong willed" and I'd have to agree.
I have always tried to maintain my southern values to treat people right and don't let other people treat you like a door mat. (to put it bluntly)
I speak my mind, love my friends and family, work hard and play just as hard.
I love to be active outdoors, I love to fish, hike, camp, and even work on cars (guess I can thanks my brothers for that huh?) I can be a girly girl, but I've always been a tom-boy.
I'm married to a wonderful husband named David. We have two pups named Eros and Zeus.
I have a good life even though it can be rough I wouldn't change a thing.

xoxoxo,
Melissa