March 18, 2010

So I haven't written in a long time so there is a lot of things that have changed.
I'm now living in Mt Vernon, Ohio, which I believe I was living here when I last posted. I'm still dealing with the fibro and have come to the conclusion that this is something I am just gonna have to live with. Dave and I were making it, be it barely, and now as of yesterday he has lost his job. He will continue to work until June 1, 2010 and by then we will probably be moving, yep that's right we have lost the house we were trying to buy. I know this is the best move for us financially.

My mother and father both passed away in the last 2 years, mom was just last october. I'm still having some issues with dealing with it, but I'm making it work. I think I am doing okay but I can see area's in my life that it's affecting.
I do not like any of the people at work, they just annoy me! They like to think that they are all that and a basket of peas but they are not.
Oh sure some of them are ok, but I have never been one to set by and be politically correct, I speak my mind and to hell with anyone that doenst like it!

The Dr. increased some of my meds so hopefully that will help some with the pain and hopefully that will help my attitude as well. I get really tired of always being in a bad mood, I'd love to laugh and live like everyone else but it seems like there is someone on the inside keeping that just out of reach. they give it to me in little doses like medicine, just enough to keep me sain. - the kicker is I'm not sure it's keeping me sain anymore.......

Pain.

Pain.

Such a simple word but so very hard to deal with, understand, and treat. I know everyone has some kind of pain in their life. When you deal with it on a daily basis all you can do with it is deal.

I live with fibromyalgia. It is my constant companion, my friend and foe, the one thing I can say will always be there. For those of you that do not know what it is let me explain it a little. It is wide spread pain that cause's your muscles to contract and hurt 24/7. There is no cure, only pain management. They do not know what causes it either.

I have heard of several non-medical treatments such as hypnosis and acupuncture but I'm not sure if I really believe those 2 treatments work. would you want to see a shrink for your pain and let them tell you it's all in your head like so many other MD's have done in the past? or would you like to have someone poke you with needles over and over again causing you more pain when your already in pain? I for one would not. People have said "the needles are so small you don't really feel them" well I would because some times just the slightest touch hurts me, and I mean... A LOT!

So what is there to do? Since I was diagnosed 3 years ago this Feb. I have been on more medication than I would like to be on and the only thing that seems to help is the narcotics which I do not want to be on the rest of my life, because after a while even those don't work and the Dr. has to up the dose over and over again. So I pose the question again..... What is there to do?

So many people in my life have said "everyone lives with pain, honestly how bad can it be?"..... "your just a hypochondriac"..... "your just depressed"...."lose some weight and you'll feel better"....."just deal with it everyone else does, aren't you strong enough to?". Well now, If all of the above statements are true then I'm just a mental case then aren't I? I think not!

This is a REAL disease and the definition of a disease is this: a condition of the living animal or plant body or of one of its parts that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms
I have been told like all the others before me that is not a disease it is a disorder. Well the definition of a disorder is this:

1 : to disturb the order of 2 : to disturb the regular or normal functions of

now when you look up fibromyaglia in the medical dictonary it says this: any of a group of rheumatic disorders affecting soft tissues and characterized by pain, tenderness, and stiffness of muscles and associated connective tissue structures

How can something that disturbs the regular or normal function of a person that can't be cured just be a disorder? I honestly believe that it is a disease because EVERYONE I know with this "disorder" is getting worse the older they get, their quality of life is not what it should be and once they go on pain medication they never come off of it.

I do not want to be this way and I do not want to live the rest of my life in pain. I would gladly take part in ANY trail study that is out there to "cure" is "disorder" but there isn't any in my area or any that I can get to with out losing everything I have worked so hard for.

I say to all of you.... If there is anyone in your life that is in constant pain or dealing with any kind of struggle.. PLEASE do not try to "soften" the situation by saying any of the above phrase's. Just be there for the person in anyway that you can and if you find that you can't be there for the person then stand up, be an adult and just talk to them about it all instead of treating them badly, it only makes things worse when you think you have someone that truly cares for you and understands some of what your going through one minute and the next you don't. So if you don't understand,... ask. If you still don't understand or if your interested in understanding then do research on the subject. DO NOT just "drop off the face of the earth" to that person, we all are still human and have feelings too.

XOXO
MEL.

I'm Done!!

I'm done!
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with having friends.
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with co-workers.
I'm done with all the bull shit that goes along with the "so-called" christians that say they are god fearing people that live by the bible and still treat others like shit!!

Well I say to all of you,..... GO TO HELL!!!
I have never in my life met so many people that were such lying, backstabbing, biggots!

So I'm done with the lot of you!
that is my rant for today.
enjoy!

Snippets of My Life....#2

I remember that in the summer's we were allowed to run free, so to speak, and since we lived in the country we had acre's of land to roam and play on. We had a friend named Anthony that we affectionately called "ant". He was a little older than I was and I just loved him like another brother. He would teach us how to work on cars; also, along with my brothers he taught me how to fish. I use to love walking through the pasture either after school, on weekends, and in the summer looking for frogs, worms, or crickets to fish with then going down to the pond to sit and fish the rest of the day.

A Rare Day....

Today is a rare day... there may be many of these in the future... for today I'm posting a second blog.

I was thinking about what I'd like to do with my life in the next few years while looking at some of my favorite blogs and I came across one that peeked my interest. It was by One Minute Writer, she wrote:

Friday, November 14, 2008

Today's Writing Prompt: Three Goals
Write about three realistic goals you'd like to achieve in your lifetime.Thanks to Frankie & Bella for today's prompt! They are identical twins who blog together--check it out at Twin Speak: Two Minds - One Blog.

I checked out the Twin's blog and I liked the idea. So... here's my 3.

1.) I would like to travel, I want my husband to be able to go to vegas and I would like to see London.

2.) I want to go back to school to further my knowledge.

3.) I want to own a farm.

So.... there it ie folks! I wonderful 3 things to do.

Whats yours?

XOXO,

Mel

Contemplating...

Have you every wondered why people are the way they are? Is it the way they are raised? or is it the way the choose to be? I personally believe the later.
Now, don't get me wrong I think also that the way people are raised has some bearing on the personallity of the person, but the person could be given all the luxuries they could wish for and still turn out to be the most cruel person on the planet or they could have been treated worse than you could ever imagine and turn out to be one of the most respectful, patient, loving people like Dave Pelzer (author of "the boy called IT"). I have personally read this book and his other books several times and I continuously wonder how someone so heroic could have any realtions to someone so hateful.

I hope someday to be able to understand how people can treat another living being like they are the not valuable. I personally know several people the think of themselves as christians and still continue to act inappropriately towards family, friends, co-workers, and people in general. I hope that one day they will understand what that kind of injustice can do.

I wanted to share my views on this today because I see this on a daily basis. So I leave you with this thought:
Ultimately, it's up to each of us to choose how we will live our lives, hold ourselves to high standards, and continually evaluate what's inside the image we see in the mirror.
-- Eric Harvey

I hope you take this message with you today and apply it to whom ever you meet today, that person may have an affect on your life someday.

XOXO,
Mel

Snippets of My Life....

I live in Ohio now but I was born in Georgia. I still think of my self as a "georgia peach" - southern born and southern raised. I have lived in Ohio for 11 years now and I'm still adjusting. I hope I never get adjusted to be honest with you. I miss the south and I plan to return someday.

I miss the "good 'ole days". I miss fishing in the pond on the back part of the property with my brothers. I miss the laid back days of summer. I miss how everyone you meet treats you like one of the family. I hope I never forget those things and many, many more.

Some memory's from my child hood I'll never forget are so simple that someone else would possibly push them aside and think everyone has those type memories. But those are the most important. Those type memories are the one's you should cherish and preserve for your children and grandchildren.
One such memory happened on Halloween, the exact year I can't remember, I had asked my mom if I could spend the night with my best friend and go trick or treating with her, her sister, and her mom. M loved Halloween and still does! She always had the best costumes. We lived in the country and to get to the "good" house's we had to drive to them. Oh, we could have walked, back in those days it wasn't so bad that a child couldn't be out after dark, but the "good" house's were too far to walk to. M's mom drove us to the housing development and we would ride on the hood of the car from house to house. This was a special treat for us and we felt like we were on top of the world for just one night.
M's mom was so much fun, she was like just one of the girls, but she could be strick when it was needed too. I love her for that.
At one of the house's we had all gotten our candy and was headed back to the hood of the car but we weren't quite on it yet and she started to move the car! It was just a few inches but it was so funny! Even after we got on the car, we were laughing so hard that we all almost fell off again!
Aww, the little things that make memories! I'll never forget that night!

MY TIP OF THE DAY.......
Don't push the little things aside. You never know if it's going to be a lasting memory not, so cherish every moment you have like it is your last.

XOXO,

Mel