Monday, March 29, 2010

3-29-10 another day, another dollar........

Another day, another dollar but I'm almost done. I'm tired of this pain and suffering with the Fibromyalgia, I had to leave work early again today due to feeling like crap. My energy level is just through the floor. All I want to do is sleep but I know I can't. I'm looking for any salvation I can find.
I'm looking into yoga as a means to manage the pain and stiffness. The Dr told me that there's not anything else he can do, I just need to learn to live with it and manage the pain. He increased one of my medications to see if that will help but so far it hasn't.

Even through dealing with Dave's company downsizing his position and my health issues now I have to worry about losing my job due to the health issues. it's more stress on me that I don't need! I'm just fed up with the bull shit! I wish there was something I can do to correct this issue so I wouldn't have to take time off work. I've offered to work extra time to make up the hours and they are always needing help on the weekends but they don't want people to have OT. I wish they would make up their minds: either they want help or not.
I've changed my hours to what times I can work since we only have one car now, but I've offered to work weekends when I can.
I've got a team leader that has WAY to much stress on her right now with her dad having Alzheimer's and trying to keep everyone happy. then we find out that one of our mutual friends has stage 4 liver cancer and she has a 5 month old baby boy!.....
I've got another friend that is having heart issues and not sure whats going on with that, and yet another friend that just found out her husband (with whom she is seperated from) has a 8 month old baby by another woman. There is just too much to take care of. Every one has told me several times that I cant take care of everyone all the time but it's my nature to do that! I want to help everyone I just don't know how....
I guess I just need to take care of myself first and the other stuff if I can and let the rest to take care of it's self.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


Today I wondered what it would be like to have a close family bond. Don't get me wrong I do care for my family and would bend over backwards for them but we aren't a close family like some I see.

we use to be a close family but when granny and my aunt passed away it seems like that whole structure passed away with them. Some of us moved away, some of us turned to drugs or illegal activities and spent time in jail and some of us stuck around but just didn't care anymore.

I tried to stay in touch with everyone but that seemed to piss other people off because in my family, if there isn't a argument between someone they aren't happy. As I got older I started to not care if it pissed them off but then that just put me in the middle. what if we all just got along and had the family functions like other families would we have been happier? would I be better at getting along with my co workers? would I be better at dealing with stress? I'm not sure but I do know I would not have learned the lesson's I have thus far if it wasn't for my family.

we all can't have the perfect family. we all can't be that "perfect" person. we just need to live the life we were dealt and do the best with it we can. I can say that I have learned a lot from my family and I'm honored to have had the parents I had. They weren't perfect parents. They did the best they could do at that time, and that's all anyone can ask of anyone.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


So just a quick note...
finished up the wilderness first aid class today and we all did really good. It was a good class with a lot of good information that will help on searches and when we are not in the field as well. I highly recommend this class for anyone that likes being outdoors.

Now to relax the rest of the day, Monday comes too soon.

Saturday, March 20, 2010


So if you haven't noticed, I'm now dating my post.
Dave and I got up early on a Saturday to go to a class for search and rescue. it went okay I guess, it's not anything I don't already know basically. I have learned a few things though. One more day then I'm certified in wilderness first aid.

I've been thinking a lot about conversations. I know this is not something people normally think about but hear me out........
I'm finding it more and more difficult to find things to talk about with people. I'm not sure why, maybe I'm becoming a hermit or the people around me don't challenge me enough to make me think. what do you think? I know that it's sometimes nice to just sit by someone and enjoy the quietness, but when it's all the time there has to be something wrong right? Is it just me?

I'm not looking for something wrong to fix, I'm just looking for more stimuli I guess...

Oh My God! David just farted and now I can't breathe THANKS HUBBY!! =0(

anyway, I'm just so damn bored with everything that I'm not interested in any of the fun stuff I use to do. The Dr. said that the medication can affect me like that a while back and I guess with all the shit going on I'm just down.

any suggestions on how to get out of the "funk"?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

March 18, 2010

So I haven't written in a long time so there is a lot of things that have changed.
I'm now living in Mt Vernon, Ohio, which I believe I was living here when I last posted. I'm still dealing with the fibro and have come to the conclusion that this is something I am just gonna have to live with. Dave and I were making it, be it barely, and now as of yesterday he has lost his job. He will continue to work until June 1, 2010 and by then we will probably be moving, yep that's right we have lost the house we were trying to buy. I know this is the best move for us financially.

My mother and father both passed away in the last 2 years, mom was just last october. I'm still having some issues with dealing with it, but I'm making it work. I think I am doing okay but I can see area's in my life that it's affecting.
I do not like any of the people at work, they just annoy me! They like to think that they are all that and a basket of peas but they are not.
Oh sure some of them are ok, but I have never been one to set by and be politically correct, I speak my mind and to hell with anyone that doenst like it!

The Dr. increased some of my meds so hopefully that will help some with the pain and hopefully that will help my attitude as well. I get really tired of always being in a bad mood, I'd love to laugh and live like everyone else but it seems like there is someone on the inside keeping that just out of reach. they give it to me in little doses like medicine, just enough to keep me sain. - the kicker is I'm not sure it's keeping me sain anymore.......